Understanding Trauma & Healing
Grief and Loss
A traumatic event may include the loss of a loved one, loss of who you used to be, the loss of a relationship, or other types of loss. There are many times in our life where we will grieve loss. There are many supports for going through a grief process including cultural ceremonies. Indigenous communities have specific teachings about loss and how to honour loved ones that have been lost. We encourage you to seek out these teachings from your Knowledge Keepers or family members.
Although there are many models of grieving with different stages and processes, generally all models agree that the following symptoms are common, whichever order they appear in:
- Shock and disbelief, feeling numb, even denial that the loss occurred
- Sadness, despair, loneliness, feeling empty
- Guilt, regret, shame
- Anger, feeling resentful
- Anxiety, helplessness, insecurity, fear
- Physical symptoms like being tired, nausea, sickness, weight loss or gain, aches and pains, night sweats, heart palpitations, feeling faint or lightheaded, difficulty sleeping (Therapy Tribe, n.d.)
It’s normal to experience these symptoms, but if you are experiencing them very intensely or for a long period of time after suffering the loss, you may need to get additional supports.
“FOUR TASKS OF MOURNING” THE LOSS OF A LOVED ONE TO HEAL (J. W. WORDEN)
To accept the reality of the loss
To work through the pain of grief
To adjust to life without the deceased
To maintain a connection to the deceased while moving on with life (Mastrangelo & Wood, 2016)
Grief is the last act of love we have to give to those we loved.
Where there is deep grief, there was great love.
Grief is the last act of love we have to give to those we loved. Where there is deep grief, there was great love.
Tips for Coping with Grief
1. Do not grieve alone
It is important that you stay connected with others during this time. Your support system may include your family, friends, mental health or health care providers, spiritual and religious community, and mentors. These can be people already in your circle of support or other resources or support groups.
Your support system can help you:
- Make the funeral arrangements or help you with new responsibilities
- Find peace and comfort through your culture’s mourning rituals
- Share your grief with others who can relate
- Work through your difficult emotions in a safe setting
2. Take good care of yourself
It can be easy to forget about our own needs when we are reeling from loss but neglecting yourself won’t help you effectively deal with your grief.
What does self-care mean to me? What activities bring me joy? What activities are good for my physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual wellness? What activities reduce stress?
There are many aspects to self-care, and everyone will prioritise different ones. Here are some examples to get you started:
- Healthy diet, exercise, skin/haircare
- Taking time for hobbies and relaxation
- Meditation
- Connecting with friends and family
- Getting quality sleep
- Going to therapy
- Journaling, creating art
- Ceremonies
- Learning new skills
- Using traditional medicines
Remember to:
- Understand what triggers your grief and prepare for those triggers (e.g., plan to take time off work, let your friends and family know you’ll need extra support, etc.)
- Do something creative to express your feelings (e.g., write something, paint, or play a musical instrument)
- Eat, sleep, and exercise
- Be patient with yourself and allow yourself to feel whatever you feel
3. Seek professional grief counseling
Not everyone will need the services of a counselor, elder, or therapist during their grieving period, but it can be very helpful for those who are really struggling. A qualified professional can help you understand the grief process and give you the tools you need to cope with your emotions.
