Personal Healing, Reflection & Growth
Changing Ways of Thinking
This may sound strange, but we talk to ourselves more than anyone else in the course of a day. These thoughts can help motivate us, but they can also keep us stuck in unhealthy patterns. There are some common ways that we tend to think, ways that can actually make our emotional pain worse. Here are some examples of those thinking styles and healthier alternatives.
(Burns, 1999)
All or nothing thinking – Maybe you have difficulty seeing the gray areas in things. For example, you may think to yourself, “I will never be the same person I was before the trauma.” A healthier thought might be, “Although I am definitely changed, there are aspects of me that are still the same.”
Overgeneralization – This is when you decide that some event or situation is more common than it is, based on one or very few instances of the event. For example, “I was betrayed by a friend, so I can never trust any of my friends again.” A healthier thought might be, “I know that trust is difficult for me, but perhaps there are a few people out there whom I can trust.”
Should statements – These are related to overgeneralizations. Should statements are overgeneralizations in which we decide something should be a certain way, and we get stuck in this way of thinking. For example, “Bad things shouldn’t happen to good people.” A healthier alternative, “Sometimes things are unfair, and bad things do happen to good people. Instead of getting stuck in unfairness, I am not going to let this event define the rest of my life.”
Personalization – This happens when we assume that we have a role in causing certain events (including other people’s behaviour) even though we have no evidence to support these assumptions. For example, “She must not want me around her kids because she assumes I am an angry person.” A healthier version, “I don’t know what is motivating her right now, Who knows what is happening in her life?”
Filtering – This is when you might concentrate only on a certain aspect of a situation and ignore others. For example, “I felt like no one at the party understood what I’ve been through.” A healthier alternative is: “It’s hard for me to connect with other people. I do appreciate that my neighbour tried to talk to me about my military services – I know she has no idea what I lived through.”
Jumping to conclusions – You may find yourself deciding you know the outcome of a situation when you have no evidence. For example, “I know exposure treatments won’t work for me. There’s no way I could talk about this stuff again.” A healthier alternative, “I know this is going to be one of the hardest things I’ve ever tried. I suppose if it is too much for me, I can stop but I won’t know unless I attempt it.”
Catastrophizing – When you have decided that the worst possible outcome is definitely going to happen, you are catastrophizing. For example, “I have nightmares every night. There is not way I am ever going to sleep again, and I’m surely going to die from this stress.” A healthier alternative, “I am struggling with sleep right now, but this is a normal reaction to what I’ve been through. I will keep working to find solutions to this.”
Thought Record
How-to Thought Record
Think of a difficult or upsetting situation and write down the thought that came to mind. Identify which thinking style best matches your thought. Write a more balanced and empowering thought that takes the whole situation into account. Use the questions further below to challenge and consider another perspective.
Thought
Thinking Style
Empowering Thought
Challenging unhelpful thoughts
How to Stop All-or-Nothing Thinking
DESCRIBE THE SITUATION:
CURRENT
Thoughts
What are the stories you tell yourself about this situation?
Emotions
What emotions does your story trigger?
Actions
Describe the results of your thoughts and emotions? (actions taken/not taken)
NEW
Emotions
What emotions would create the desired actions?
Thoughts
What thoughts would create the new emotions?
Actions
What is your desired action in this situation?
